Moving Stress

I keep watching the clock today. I'm waiting for one pm, when I have a phone appointment with a psychic company. I'm rather excited about this, as it will hopefully provide me with the income that I need.

You see, I'm moving in September. Before I move out, I want (need) to have my debt all paid off. So in the next month I need to earn somewhat more than $2,000. Needless to say, this is making me very stressed.

If I don't pay off the debt in full, the former life partner will most likely demand that I leave something as collateral. And I think I know what she'll ask me to leave: my grandmother's wedding china.

It took a battle to pry it out of my mother's hands; she thought I'd pawn it or sell it, you see. I would never ever do that, the china is too precious to be used for just money.

Let me back up a bit, and explain about me and money. I don't do well with money -- I see it as a tool to increase joy, to provide happiness sometimes, to get stuff... It is not a synonym for those things, it is a thing to aid in getting those things. Without it, those things can still be found; joy, pleasure, happiness and stuff are not dependent on the condition of having money.

So, me and money, we have a rough relationship. I use it like a tool, as a means to an end; it is not the end itself. And this gets me into philosophical hot water with other people sometimes.


You see, many people use money as an indicator; money indicates worth, value, respectability, honor, status and lots of other things, too. For the people who use money as an indicator, my relationship with money as a tool is incomprehensible, alien and strange. I don't use money to rate, judge or rank people. Millionaire or bum on the street, what matters to me isn't how much filthy lucre is in your pocket, but what you do with that lucre.

Your good works and actions in the world are of more value to me than the money in your pocket; happiness comes not from the folding green, but from within your heart. My attachment to things is not because they have money value, but because of the emotions and memories that they invoke.

I don't want to use my grandmother's wedding china as collateral on a debt because I love my grandmother and the china was her prized possession.

So, I'm waiting for the phone to ring, and hopeful that good things will come to me soon. Mainly the ability to pay off my debt as fast as I can.